Contents for silver wedding anniversary newspaper

I can't do the dishes today because....
... I got a water allergy.
... I have a phobia of running and also
standing water.
... I can't find the household gloves.
... yes, there are still fresh plates in the cupboard.

I can't take the garbage out because....
... it's about to get dark.
... the neighbor could see me.
... I have forgotten where the trash can is.

I didn't call because....
... was always busy.
... I could not find a phone booth.
... I thought you weren't there anyway.

I forgot our wedding day because....
... the time with you passes much too quickly.
... I wanted to test whether you remember it.
... I did not get your favorite flowers in 100 flower stores.

Man:
"It's going to be a little late today, honey, I've got an insane amount of work to do!"
German:
"I'm going to the pub with the guys today. I tell you but not, because otherwise you only grumble anyway."

Man:
"I'm still going to the pub with the guys, can be later."
German:
"I'm meeting with another woman."

Man:
"I really had a hard day today"
German:
"Just don`t talk to me! Just leave me alone!"

Man:
"Mmmhh, yummy, there's roast again! I always like to eat that again."
German:
"Can't you actually cook anything else?"

Man:
"Great, your sweatpants. They look really very comfortable."
German:
"You could quietly dress a little sexy!"

Man:
"Well, I'll drive now, but in return you'll drive later on the way back, okay?"
German:
"I'm definitely not driving later. I'm going to get really drunk at the party."

Man:
"Yes, yes, of course I love..."
German:
"... Now I can finally watch TV in peace again?"

Wife:
"Do you always have to read the newspaper at breakfast?"
German:
"You never talk to me!"

Wife:
"Why is the toothpaste tube open again?"
German:
"When will you finally learn a little order?!"

Woman:
"I can not come, I have nothing to wear at all!",
German:
"My closet is full to the brim, but I have absolutely no desire to come along."

Wife:
"You're in your prime now after all".
German:
"The paint is off!"

Wife:
"I'm sooo tired!"
German:
"I don't feel like having sex today."

Wife:
I have such a headache!"
German:
"Today I also have no desire for sex."

Wife:
"Let's go to bed early"
German:
"Today I feel like having sex!""

Woman:
"No!"
German:
"Yes!" or "No!" or "Maybe!"

Woman:
"Yes"
German:
"Maybe!" or "No!" or "Yes!"

as freshly fallen in love:
Poodle, look out, there's a puddle!

As a fiancée:
Darling, don't get your feet wet!

As a young married couple:
Honey watch out, here comes a puddle!

after 5 years of marriage:
Watch out, mistress, don't step in the puddle!

after 15 years of marriage:
My goodness, are you blind or what? Did you not see the puddle!

on the occasion of the silver wedding anniversary:
It was bound to happen, a puddle far and wide, and my wife has to traipse in there!

and afterwards:
Typical my old lady!

If the husband always follows his wife
the marriage sky is blue.

If he shows himself daily more inclined to her wishes,
the marriage sky is bright.

If he responds quickly to everything,
the house will shine in the sunshine.

If he stayed away from the house,
it would soon become dull.

If he contradicts boldly,
a damp rain is about to fall.

If he does not bend like a worm,
then there may be a violent storm.

If he does not pay what she ordered,
there may be North Pole cold.

Therefore honor the women like the gods,
then you will always have good weather.